please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
is wine microwaveable?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
