the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
