Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
