Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
