omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
