do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
