kristin has been a bad kristin
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Blood and glitter go together right?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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