You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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