i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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