Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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