D3 body, D1 cock
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
