even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
