you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
