Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
