also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize