So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
