dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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