this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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