evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
