It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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