Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
