If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
