Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
