My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
