just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
