where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
