Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
