You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
