Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
