theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Rumble strips road head = magical
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
