I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
