Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
