so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
