i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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