Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
