Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize