just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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