Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
