i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
