Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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