It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
