Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
