Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
PANTIES FOUND
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