If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
