To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
