it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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