i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
