No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
