wakey wakey hands off snakey
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
