Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
