Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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