Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
