All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize