A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
