Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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