So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
