I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
