it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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