Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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