Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize