If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
