Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
