They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
