I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
