My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
