I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
