this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just gargled with NyQuil
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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