I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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