So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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