My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
