My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
