I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
