she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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