i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
