lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
