i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
