Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
