it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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