one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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