I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
