Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
