Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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