So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
