I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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