she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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