I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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