i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
