I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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