carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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