my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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