So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
