The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
